Stuff Indonesians Like #15: Name Dropping

If there is one thing we like more than sambal (tr. chili sauce) it's name dropping.

Indonesians, well, Jakartans to be exact, love to name drop. It's one of the things in life that's free and will impress the person we are speaking to.

This article is a piece to teach you how to name drop like a pro.

Now imagine you are in a party, or a wedding reception, or in a crowd where there are a lot of people you think look and sound more impressive than you do. What to do? Don't despair! One trick that can help you with your confidence and change what people think of you is to name drop someone famous you know.

Of course, this only works effectively if you happen to know this person you are about to name drop.

If you are a Jakartan, this is not too hard. If you are a South Jakartan it's not hard at all. If you are a social South Jakartan who went to one or more cool schools and at one point of your life was a party animal/lived overseas (choose one, better if you have experienced both) and you speak one (or more) foreign languages, this just became a lot easier.

However, if you are part of the Jakartan 'Tatler tartelettes', have more clothes than Rebecca Bloomwood and shop at all the shops frequented by Serena Vanderwoodsen and Blair Waldorf, you need not do any name droppings because it's usually YOUR name that people drop in conversations (and you have no business reading this blog).

Now, back to the imagination.

You see a group of well clothed Jakartans, your friend, the girl who invited you takes your hand and introduces you to those people. You clam up, you feel shy and unconfident in your new Zara dress and pumps (one that you bought after saving for it for three months, due to the unbelievably expensive price tags once it entered the Indonesian market) and you try oh so very hard to clinch your Mangga Dua bag hoping nobody will notice it.

You observe and listen in to their conversation, and then someone mentions a well known celebrity who just happens to be: your childhood neighbor/a friend of your brother's/a schoolmate of yours/an ex girlfriend of a friend/someone you met at a rave/a friend from AA/your rich uncle's mistress/someone you had threesome with.

JACKPOT! Now you too can join in the conversation. What's good is if you have dirt on the celebrity, or if you can make up a believable dirt on the said celebrity.

But it doesn't just stop there. You have to master the art of 'story telling'. You need to be able to sell what you are saying as to make people believe what you say.

How to do it? Well, you need to be indifferent when telling the story. No gushing at the sound of the celebrity's name even if he is a hunk of meat that you would jump at the first chance. You need to be cool as a cucumber and act as if the names you drop don't matter to you, like you're not impressed by them. This will make you appear as if you are 'in' and 'in the know' at the same time.

Even better is if you can name drop real people with real achievements as opposed to beautiful celebrities that are nothing but glorified blow up dolls. Name dropping a person with real achievements will make you appear as if you have achieved something too to be able to know and or mingle with that person.

The best is to be able to name drop various names from various groups. Celebs, real people with achievements, socialites, rich Jakartans, 'Tatler tartellettes' etc. Remember, name drop with ease but be believable and indifferent. Like popularity or how people view you is unimportant to you.

What also does wonders is to drop a few foreign words along with your conversation, just make sure they are grammatically correct and you need to practice your pronunciation as to not make you seem like a fool. French impresses the middle to upper class much more than English, but when speaking to middle to lower class people, English is enough, as they are convinced that the correnct way to pronounce Carrefour (a french hypermarket chain) is 'care-four' and not 'karfur' like the way it should be. Your French googling will be lost to these imbeciles.

But remember, you must avoid at all costs name dropping people you don't know at all. You must have a legitimate connection, however slight it may be. It's your credibility you are betting on, and once people find out you lie, your whole cred will go down the drains and it will be next to impossible to penetrate the world of the fascinatingly stupid, ignorant and superficial.

When you have mastered the art of name dropping, you will see doors being opened to you and new opportunities will rise. So good luck and do not forget to comment here when you have practiced what you have learned!